she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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