I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
