I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Two words: nipple clamps
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