you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
