yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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