Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
