My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
