her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
