Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
