By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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