dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
