are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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