If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
