Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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