I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
