pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
