Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
