I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
