if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
