After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
