ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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