U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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