around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
