his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
