i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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