jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
