I cockslap morals
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm passing your future prison.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
