break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
