I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
