We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
