I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
