I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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