he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
