Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and she was petting her beer can
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
