After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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