she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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