Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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