I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to make a zoo with you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
