Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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