ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
