So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
