am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
