OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well I just put wine in my tea
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
