Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How external is "for external use only"?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Randomize
