Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
