My nipple is on Facebook.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
