when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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