names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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