Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
