im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
