maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
