I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Pooping to opera.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
