i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's shark week go big or go home
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
