u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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