I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
